Updates since 11/10

11/15/07
Dont go screaming to your mom because she told Kim that you moved out. I knew you were backstabbing me tuesday with that question " How would you feel if I went and hung out with girls that liked and wanted to date me?". Im sorry Im not as retarded as you are, and Im not as dumb as you thought I was. Obviously, you dont fucking know a damn thing about me. I can connive better than you, I can manipulate better than you, I can bullshit better than you, Im smarter than you, I am just plain better than you. And if you think you can come running back at any point, the answer is no. You used me, you lied to me, you backstabbed me. Now, since you did tell me a whole bunch of your dirty lil secrets, I suggest you either start paying me back all the money I spent on you, OR your dirty lil secrets will be spilled.
You wanted to see the real me, well heres one side of it.
I can be your worst fucking nightmare.


11/14/07
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
that was me trying to get out my anger.
since I have no where else I can scream

You used me, you tried to manipulate, and you couldnt, so you left.
fuck you douchebag.

Sorry Im not a 14 yr old bitch that can be manipulated into living in mommys backyard. Obviously I dont even want to live with my own mother, so why the fuck would I want to live in someone else's parents backyard?

And guess what, I am too fucking good for you. I am smarter than you, I have goals, I have ambition, and I rarely let anything anything or anyone stand in my fucking way. I get what I want, no matter the fucking obstacles. and guess what, I do not want you anymore.
So, in the words of anna and I, fuck off, eat shit and die. = ]


and yes, I still have a whole lot more ranting to do about your scumbag ass.
but this weekend, Im going to fucking party and do everything you never wanted me to do, like have fun.




11/11/07
Im terribly lonely. Im terribly confused. I dont know how to focus on myself, like you want me to. I only know how to take care of people. I only know how to take care of the people in my life, and to take the focus off of my problems. You just forced me into focusing on myself, because you know I have absolutely no one here to focus on but you. and now, you arent here, and i am lost. I go to school and work, in a mindless numb state. I dont think about what happened, I want to pretend it didnt happen, but I cant.
All I know is that I do everything for everyone, and put myself last. I am perfectly happy with that. I would give the homeless guy on the street $50 if I had it, and know I helped someone. and right now, I feel useless.
I am trying to get my life to the point where I can help people, its what I want to do for the rest of my life, because I have no other skills, I dont know anything but to be mom. and Im sorry if I cant make you happy, and you cant accept that sometimes, yes I do become Mom. I only want to help everyone, especially the people I love. Talk to anna, she'll tell you how I have sat and cried because I gave $300 of my savings to my best friend, knowing that he was going to buy DRUGS and not FOOD like he told me. Money means hardly anything to me as long as my bills get paid. I could have nothing, and be happy as long as I was taking care of someone, and had someone to love and be happy with.

If you doubt anything, talk to anna. she'll tell you anything. since you obv dont know me that well, she is the best person to talk to about me. shes been my best friend for 8 years, shes seen me in every possible state of mind....and i know she loves me, regardless.

I am now going to go cry for the first time since wednesday night.




my baby cat, amore, just scared the living shit out of me. now, as some of you know, shes a fucked up cat. she has bronchitis, which makes her sound funny when she coughs. she also has a tendency to lick people and then bite them when shes done licking them. ( which is usually pretty funny if someone isnt awake of what shes going to do. ) But tonight, she woke me up out of a dead sleep because she was having a seizure. She was thrashing about, wetting herself and making Cujo sounding noises. It was one of the scariest things ever. I seriously thought she was going to die. = [ Then when she got calmed down, she had another one, so I ended up waking my cousin up so I could give her meds.


= [ i seriously dont ever want that to happen again......