My Father..

He was never there

He never cared

He wasn't a father

He was alcoholic

He physically and emotionally abused my mother

He emotionally and verbally abused me

How could he do such a thing?

The drinking and fighting

It never stopped

It kept me awake at night

Cause they were always in a fight

It's all his fault

I hate him for what he's done

No, hating is wrong

So does that mean I can't shun?

I don't care I don't want to be near him

I don't want to talk to or see him

I don't want him around

I will hate him if I want to

I will shun him if I want to

I will hurt him if I want to

I will tell him if I want to

He deserves to be hurt just like he hurt me

I don't see why not Can you tell why my temper shouldn't be so hot?

I don't think you can

I don't know why I even tried

To have a relationship with him

He wasn't worth any of my time

He's not even worth a dime

I don't think I'll ever want him in my life

He didn't care about how much he hurt me

His abuse hurt me more than words can say

Because of him, I'll be scarred for the rest of my days

I could have had a good life if it weren't for him

He's probably the reason why my light is so dim

He's got my mind screwed up

I have low self - esteem because of him

Don't lecture me about fathers

And their relationships with their daughters

Cause I don't want to hear it

It's bad enough I had to live it

People always lecturing me about how I need my father

Enough of that shit!

I don't consider myself his daughter

It's just as well if he died on the spot

I probably wouldn't even go to the funeral

That's how he hurt me so bad

I wouldn't be surprised if he actually went to hell

I know what I'm saying about him is very sad

How would you feel if your father threw your relationship away?

Would you try to get it back after so many years?

Or would you just let it pass on by like the passing days?

I gave up after ten years of trying

I didn't see the point anymore

And my self - esteem was slowly dying

What would you do if your father emotionally abused you?

Would you even give him another thought after your parents divorced?

Would actually try even though the rest of your spirit might die?

Would you hate him for the rest of your life?

Would you still love him or maybe on that think twice?

I don't see how I could ever love him again

I don't care if I ever see him again

I don't want to hear from him again

I don't want to go through hell again

Don't you dare lecture me ever!

I don't want to hear it!

Just thinking about him makes me shudder!

Just leave it alone its none of your business!

If you went through something similar

Then you'll understand

And if you don't understand

Then I'll dismiss you with the back of my hand

Don't anybody dare say I need him!

Don't anybody dare say those mother fucking words!

I'll never need him again!

He's just a mother fucking bastard!

Well, that's how I feel

So don't read on if you can't deal

I don't know what I feel at times

Sometimes I think this sometimes I don't

I'll never say I love him

Everybody knows I fucking won't

If you don't like the cursing then too bad!

Don't read on if it makes you fucking mad!

The cursing helps me explain how I feel

Yes, everything in this poem about my feelings is real

So if you can't handle something so surprising

Then I'm warning you now, there's much more to come

What I'm saying may be unbelievable

But believe it!

Every little word is true

He tossed me away like nothing more than a rotten old shoe

I'm sick of his lies

I'm sick of his broken promises

I know he doesn't deserve all of this

And it sort of makes me feel bad for feeling this

But he can't just walk back into my life

Like nothing happened at all

He can't play with my feelings

I'm not a mother fucking dol

l He acts like nothing has happened

Like we still have a relationship

Well I've got news for that idiot

He ended it a long time ago!

Sure, he'll call every now and then

But that doesn't mean I want to or I'm going to talk to him

What does he expect after so many years of neglect?

Just for me to be happy and not let my anger reflect?

I can't do that

I'm not going to hide what I feel

He's going to have to deal with it

Cause these feelings are real

Sorry dad

But I want no part of you

You hurt me bad enough

You actually think I'm going to forgive you?

Well sorry, but I'm not!

You're the reason my temper's so hot!

You know what you did mother fucker!

So don't you dare act dumb

You know you abused

You know you were always out all night

You know the reason why mom was always crying

You know the reason you two were always in a fight

I won't believe you're hurt from what I've said

You don't even care

Don't you even thinking of playing anymore mind games

Don't you even fucking dare

I'm so sick of all your excuses

I'm so sick of your mother fucking act

The only reason you wanted my mom

Was for the sex

You hurt her so deeply

You're not even sorry?

You don't deserve forgiveness

You know you don't

Don't even think I'm going to forgive you

You know I won't

You know you're a fucker

You know you don't deserve anything

I won't believe for a second

That you're just going to start caring

I know you won't

And you know you won't

You can't fool me with your lies anymore

If you try another mind game

You won't even get a score

There's no reason for you to be hurt or sore

What do you expect

If what you've done you don't regret?

I sure damn won't forgive you

If you don't care at all

You fucked up the home life

Now you have to live with it

You made your bed

Now you have to lie in it

You lost her

You lost me

We won't come crawling back

That I can guarantee

Now you're all alone with nothing to do

Except fuck that slut you're with now

I bet that'll be a lot of fun

You can't blame me look what you've done!

I don't want an alcoholic for a father

You didn't want a daughter

So why do you keep calling me?

Stop all fucking ready!

I've had enough!

If you really want to make this work

Then leave me alone for a while so I can sort things out!

I don't want to hate you

But you leave me no choice

If you just let me sort things out

Then maybe we can talk face to face instead of voice to voice

Just cool it for a while

Leave me alone

Maybe I won't hate you anymore

Maybe I can surprise with how much I've maturely grown

I know you didn't mean to make me miserable

But that's still no excuse

I can't forgive you for what you've done right now

You've scarred me from all of the abuse

So just stay hidden for a while

Don't talk to me either

Maybe if you do that I can get things together

Just give me some space

Let me walk my pace

So I can get my feelings together

I think maybe that would make things better